A · Ramble · through · Life

I have had a thought. This thought involved feeding people. This feeding people would involve a Greek-style mezze.
Worry not kali, its vegetarian friendly, except for the chicken kababs, but they arn't a main part of the meal.
So, anyone want to venture when you may be free for this? Might be a chance to see Eva again as she hasn't been seen for a while (at least, I haven't).

Any excuses/valid reasons for not coming should be submitted now on pain of being towed down anyway by your hair (discluding any illnesses that include actually vomiting, but including feeling tired/headachy/generally lazy).

Today is they day, i think, for a nervous breakdown.
Firstly, Siobhan, you are right, james is a bastard, so far this week he has told me i look like crap, i am rubbish in bed, and i am immature, but he is so charismatic that i didn't notice until the final straw today.
I said to him that i was eating chocolate mousse with my fingers, and generally one would expect a rather dirty reply to that involving varieties of places the chocolate mousse could be put. What did he say?

"you'll get fat."
"and that would be a shame."

This is completely and totally unacceptable. I have been so so worried about my weight all term, as it kept going down, and yet every time i looked in the mirror i was disgusted by how fat i looked. This at least has made me realise that I am not fat, I am not getting fat, I am not even close. Yes, i do not have a completely flat stomach, and my thighs are not rock solid, but you know what? That's not because there is too much fat on them, its because there is too little muscle to keep them solid. I do not need egotistical, misogynistic man whores telling me I will get fat when I am quite blatantly not even close.

I also do not need someone who would spend the whole evening draped over someone else who he is 'just friends' with despite knowing perfectly well how jealous it makes me, and someone who looks bored whenever in my presence when i am fairly sure that i cannot possibly be that boring (as no one else in the conversation looks bored).

And you know what? If someone looks like shit because they have just spent the last two weeks throwing up, having ear infections and attempting to cough  up their lungs, its generally considered polite not to comment on it. Everyone else managed it as, funnily enough, i kinda already knew. Anyway, i didn't look that bad, and i had obviously made an effort to look good.

Thing is tho, I dont want to hate him. I have spent so long so emotionally attached to him that it is so so difficult to just let it fade away, and despite knowing that he is a complete bastard i still love him, because he is still charismatic and masculine and funny and he is so complimentary when he wants to be (tho this week he obviously doesn't).

And so i currently love him, hate him and am trying desperately to just feel nothing about him all at the same time. It was somewhat easier to just love him and get hurt all the time I think....

So, second reason for nervous breakdown, i have my design report deadline tomorrow and have barely started and its worth 60% of the course, This is not good. I would somewhat like to pass second year, and at the moment its not happening. I haven't been to a lecture in over a month now I think. So tomorrow after the report is handed in i think i shall go down the the disability centre and get formally tested for dyslexia and dispraxia and all that sort of thing and see there is any way i can get help with my concentration and memory (which may possibly be dyslexia related) as its getting completely out of hand now and i  just dont know if I can manage it alone.

There, that was a nice rant. It is useful to have a blog sometimes, because now i might stop thinking enough to get a nap in before i go up to kings at 8.

So, to summerise, Oh god my world has gone up the fluffer.

There's a light at the end of every tunnel,
A birth after someone says goodbye,
A spring after every winters ravage,
A dawn after cold, lonely nights.

For although you may now feel lonely,
Like no one can hear you when you cry,
There is always somebody waking,
A dawn after cold, lonely nights.

Your world may be crumbling around you,
You may feel you have nowhere to turn,
There is always a tiny hope blossoming
A dawn after cold, lonely nights.

So find your cloud's beautiful silver lining,
Be listening when somebody cries,
There is always a bloom through the deepest of snows,
A dawn after cold, lonely nights.

The title says it all really. I have a flickr account, and if i had a camera would now be running round edinburgh taking lots of photos.
Sadly I don't.
On the upside i am about to make attempts at fixing mine this evening. This will probably not end well as cameras are packed in very very very tight and the chances of it all going back in the case is fairly limited.
On the other hand the camera is somewhat of a goner anyway as it would cost more to get it fixed than to buy a new (and probably better) one.

I e-mailed the Royal Mail about them having lost my parcel, and they have just sent me a reply. Does anyone else see why the bit in bold is highly insulting???

Dear Miss Trimm

Thank you for your email regarding our failure to redeliver an item of your
mail on the 13th of November.

I am sorry that our enquiries are taking longer than expected. I would
like to assure you that we are pursing this matter under case reference
number 1-347487398 and we will contact you again as soon as our enquiries
are complete.

In the meantime, if your item has now been received or collected, may I
kindly ask you to let me know and apologise for the inconvenience.

With regards

Robert McGhee
Customer Service Advisor

THEY lost MY parcel damnit!!

Have you ever sat down and wondered, why on earth did that person decide teaching was the career for them? They dont like students, they are not very good at their job, they dont get payed well anyway, and they dont really seem to be very intelligent.

Now this doesnt apply to all lecturers, some are very good. My engineering lecturers for example are all excellent. They face teh class when speaking, then assume the class has at least some degree of intelligence, and they can explain a topic in a clear, easy to understand way.

On the other hand their is the other sort of lecturer. The sort that, when speaking, faces either the blackboard (the unintelligable type) or the celiling (the prats), and its the last type i have a problem with. The facing the ceiling is caused by having their nose so far in the air that they no longer have to look at the students at all. This of course is preferable for them as the students are obviously much much less intelligent than they are and so deserve no respect whatsoever. They will then proceed to hold a lecture on a very simple topic, but confuse the issue by adding in things that are basic general knowledge (did you know there are four different seasons? Well you are going to get told in great detail about them and how they are cause because obviously you did not learn that about the age of four). They then feel the need to confuse the issue further (and of course prove that they are indeed superior) by apparently trawling through a thesaurus before every lecture and deciding to use the most complex word possible for everything. All this is then of course mixed with a goodly dollop of self-ritiousness, especially when the subject is environmental. Because dont forget, the lecturer is better than everyone else in the room in every way along with being better than everyone else in the world.

This little rant came to you from the mildly agrivated mind of someone who has spent the entire day trawling through the lecture notes of such a professor, in the attempt to revise for an exam that i will probably fail (due mainly to the quality of the lectures).

So, my very first post. You know what? im not entirely sure what to say, shall i chat about what i did? Or what im thinking? I think i will go for a little of both actually, infact i think im going to go for a little ramble.

So, what did i actually do today?

Well the day (well last night really) started out rather well with a little visit from my freshers week shag, wanting some more. Its nice to feel that attractive. Trouble is he had a girlfriend, and it wasnt really the right time of the month for me so im afraid i had to say no. Pity, i did rather want a shag, its been far too long since the last one (or at least since the last one that actually managed to make ME orgasm aswell as the guy. One guy recently had four goes, and never managed. Its not like im exactly difficult either). Anyway, going back to last nights guy, it was still rather fun because we did some kissing before i kicked him out.

Anyway, when i eventually got up today (after having unplugged my phone the night before as someone keeps phoning me and then hanging up when i answer. Its REALLY annoying!), i had a spot of brunch with siobhan and kali, then we all went and revised outside on the grass by siobhans house. Well, i say revised... it was more we sat with books in front of us (closed) and gossiped.

Adam came back today aswell, god i missed him! So there were loads of people with us at dinner (which is a change, when adam isnt there then no-one botheres to join me and danny), and after that we went back to adams room and chatted, then went to harry's film night. Good film, had JOhnney Depp in it. Sadly i made the mistake of sitting next to Lame J tho, and therefore now desperatly want to shag him as he is really rather hot.

Anyway, its now quarter to 2 in the morning so i think it may be bed time. And in the morning everything will be happier because i can take more pain killers :D  Got i hate period pains.

So, night night all.